Hello my little cherubs,

So here we are, but where have we been? Two weeks away and much has happened since my last entry. Life can be a roller coaster and I haven't always the stomach for it. First things first, yes, the BVI’s is the most painful way to spend a new years eve, full of bored American adults disgruntled with their life choices and their children oblivious to their pain. There wasn’t even a count down, no kisses, no happy new years smiles and hand shakes and shoulder slaps. At one stage I watched a tumble weed roll across the crowded space to every ones delight……..very strange. The highlight however was to have a San Franciscan talent scout claim “I had what it takes”. I have no doubt she’s right of course. Unfortunately her being a very plain, aging woman (which is fine, really it’s fine!) I took her statement “you got what it takes” to quite simply mean cock. Alas I am saving myself for that special kinda Mrs. Robinson and so this Benjamin was forced grudgingly to decline her offer of super stardom.

We are barely a week into our 3 month charter and Capt Boo Boo has begun to throw his toys. As the crew, one by one is collectively “Boo Booed” (as it has come to be known among us). This is the ancient Germanic way of “The Bouffe Head” handed down from generation to generation along with that extra chromosome. That being, to stumble into an organized, smooth running situation and fix it. We always knew it would come to this. Let us face facts when German pride is prickled by 1st Mates well rounded English accented digs, “hmn-nny-yes. but our tiny fleet did sink your entire German navel war machine during the war, making us far better sea farers, wouldn’t you agree? Hmn-nny-ya. I am of that stock at the end of the day, no need for me to state the obvious then hmm-mnn-nya?” Feathers are destined to be ruffled and Boo Boo’s bound to be made. Regardless “floggings shall continue until moral Improves”!!!( Also for the record 1st Mate is the only person on earth, I’m sure, whom has the ability to take one of the English languages shortest, most straight forward words - “yes” - and add two extra syllables(hmm-mnn-nya) amazing chap really!

So we have cruised up and down with stops In St Barts, a French island and I do ever so love French islands. For a similar experience might I suggest you go to your local French restaurant, waltz up to the maitre d’, drop your pants and ask to be fisted for a wee period, sil vous plait (always say please to the French, they are funny like that!). Swiftly palm the man 200 euro for his trouble and be on your way. Now I’ve have just saved your self an airfare, a crap American Airline giant cookie masquerading as food experience and hotel expenses…..truly I am only here to help. Ostentatious prices aside I do love the French Islands and a stop at the original Nikki Beach for a paddle and sour cocktail perfection as well as to hob-nob and rub shoulders with society’s elite, commonly known as “Wankers” is terribly refreshing. Seeing as we hardly ever deal with “wankers” in the yachting world (HA!) and so we drank, swam, rubbed and hob-nobbed, oh and how!!!! Additional stops include Dominica, Ilse de Saint and Guadalupe, all fabulous and beautiful in there own right, then on to everyone’s favorite stop……Antigua.

Antigua is a great opportunity to chill, catch up with long lost crewmates and soak up the atmosphere and just get righteously splattered to be honest. Cramming another “awake for 3 days and 3 nights” binges into your week, seeing as you haven’t experienced one since St Maarten. This along with a couple of espresso martinis and a boogie at Abras, perfectly good, dirty fun. It is a lovely spot and crew old and new considers it home in the Caribbean. It is an old haunt for 1st Mate, Supa Stew and myself and first timers Gillybean and Cloggie took to embracing her, while Pocket Rocket, Compete and Freight train(whom Id like to rename Seagull) did their usual exercise cramming regime. By this stage the crew has completely ostracized Capt Boo Boo and he is at a loss as to how to come to terms with being the token bouffe head on board. Alas, on a yacht there is always one. In truth it helps bond the rest of us. Much in the same way as George W. has united the world in a common dislike for stupidity and dribbling during press conferences.

As brightly as it shines a dark cloud can settle. We left Antigua with multiple yacht crews (not ours) robbed at gun point including a captain who was gunned down in front of his wife and son. This all very out of the ordinary for Antigua and the industry is furious at authorities. Yachting is a close community and any word of murder, suicide or death at sea, shocks and rocks through the industry. Face book only shrinking what is already a tiny close knit family. Even though I did not know the captain, many of my friends did and you feel for everyone involved. I’d like to blame someone - M.TV. American gun touting or the new crap breed of gangster hip hop -, anyone, anything. At the end of the day this is just the way of the world and we are all to blame I guess.

Moving on towards the shit hole known as St Thomas of the USVI’s with crew in shock and a little disgruntled. 1st Mate works diligently to ensure Capt Boo Boo has his ducks in a row before he attempts to clear our “visa less” boss into the visa- requiring US. It is a cluster fekk of grotesquely satanic proportions, only out weighed in "grossosity" (Made up word but I like it!) by the Disney Cruise liner on or port side. Finished with big screen Mickey TV. A two story Goofey figurine painting the finishing touches to her stern and Donald Duck as a figure head. The high pitch squeak of “lets go Pluto” 24/7. It is a horrendous concept. I can only imagine with a shudder what the on board casino must look like?
But no, our guests get “Boo Booed” by our Bouffe Head and we are begrudgingly beat out into big blue waters by belligerent authorities. A dash for the friendlier BVI’s with out officially clearing in carries potentially for our owners arrest, that being immigrants of an illegal nature and all. It doesn't come to this but twas a close call for what one might call being “Double Boo Booed” and all in a matter of minutes and miles.

The lack off thought, the extent of the Capt Boo Boo’s selective memory has lead to great speculation by Supa Stew and myself that Capt Boo Boo may very well be wrestling with a chronic bout of cephalous! Yes cephalous. We may very well be witnessing his slow spiral into madness? Oh how terribly novel for us!! Our very own Henry the eight, crossed with alien as it were. Rantings and be-headings and all out in a vacuum where no one can hear you scream. Let us hope if it comes to that, it’s one of the sacrificial underlings. (me being the most important man on the ship an’ all, you understand)

Anyway enough sulking and woe is me. Moving on to the Spanish Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico, which is a refreshing wind of change by any ones standards. Your one stop Jesus action figure shop……but let us speak of that.

Some other time.



Oh but please, lets make it soon!





Ciao Tschüse Doei


* Tuna Tatiki on Thai Salsa Verde Potatoes, Aioli and Truffle marinated Tomato.

*Beetroot Chocolate Cake, with a Beetroot Port wine Syrup and Vanilla Yogurt Anglaise.